i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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