I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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