i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
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I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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