just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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