She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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