Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
