life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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