At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.