do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
