The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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