Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
