I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
