North Korea, Best Korea!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
