My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
