i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
