Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
