Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
