i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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