id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
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She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i out mim tonsoeep
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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