it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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