it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I want a musical about memes.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
