okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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