it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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