i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
