you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
