So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It was confusing and full of hummus
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
