I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
