So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
