Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize