Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
