is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
