I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
