Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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