i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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