plz talk dirty to me
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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