Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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