i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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