i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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