We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
