Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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