Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
