fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
