Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This baby is an asshole
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
