I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
