You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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