Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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