If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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