3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
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the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
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I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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