I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
