I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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