my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
