I wannas sexs uuuuu
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
be right there i have to get my cape
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
