would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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