we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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