apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
