Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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