Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
