a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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