i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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