I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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