I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
