her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
