So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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