i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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