im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
