i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
