I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
