i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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