You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
