If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
