Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
